success vs failure

Funny how 2 people can look at the same situation and 1 sees success and 1 sees failure. D is 17 - 18 in August. He has moved out and I am guessing dropped out of school (I say this because the school has call every day for 2 weeks saying he wasn't in class) 5 weeks before graduating. He is smoking and who knows what else he is doing.

I look at this as I failed. I failed to install something in him over the last 5 years. I failed to provide an environment where he can flourish and feel at home. One where he can soar and the possibilities are endless. He is such a smart kid. He can do whatever he wants. But he chooses not to do the work and not set any goals. Maybe I pushed him to hard or maybe not enough.

CAS looks at this and thinks I succeeded. He may it this far and almost graduated high school. That is more then most kids in care do. He is (for the most part) a good kid and as close to 'normal' as CAS kids tend to be.

Now I wonder, does CAS set the bar too low or did I set it too high? Guess I will never know.

Moving on, as I can't dwell on the past forever.

Alex has such a good day today. She wore jeans - she never wears jeans. She can't stand them. She wore new socks - totally different then the ones she is use too. She wore her hair in a pony tail - she hates stuff in her hair. It was spirit day so she got to wear her sun glasses all day as well. She looked so cute!!

She got home and wanted to go to a friends house, but he wasn't home. I had to go to town. She hates having to go places, but she didn't complain. She just asked if she could finish watching her show (5 mins left) and that was that.

She is now in the bath. No fighting over it or anything. Just got in and now is playing. When Little D left she improved so much. It happened over night. I could not believe the change. Now I wonder, will she improve again? I can't help but notice the great mood she has been in for the most part of a week.

She wants a kitten real bad. I told her the 2 cats we have are enough. But we had them before she was born so she never got to see them as kittens. Oh she promises she will look after the kitten. Feed it, clean up after it, everything. "Just like you do with your guinea pig?" I asked. "Yes, I mean no, I mean I don't, I mean I do, I mean I will this time, I promise!"

No more pets until the ones we have bite the big one!! My house is turning into a letting zoo!! 2 cats, 2 pigs, DH and Alex are enough! Seeing as it is I who has to deal with all the poop in house - I don't need more to add to it!

Speaking of poop, I noticed our imagery dog left another pile on our lawn. Why can can't people pick up after their dogs. The guy across the road, he drives while holding on to the lease so the dog can run beside he car. That he how he 'walks' the dog. He has 2 kids that are old enough to walk the dog around my block, plus he is quite capable as well. I mean that is the height of laziness. I guess for the dog it is better then nothing. The dog spends all day chained to a tree not being able to go very far. I feel for the dog. I really do.

And that is the Laurie report for today. Hope you all had a good day.