Friday, June 4, 2010

Am I really having this conversation?

Alex - Mom, can I try your breast milk?

Me - I don't have any.

Alex - Then how where you going to breast feed me?

Me - When you're pregnant you make milk. You keep making milk as long as a baby is drinking it. When the baby stops, you stop making milk. I have no babies to drink it so I'm not making any.

Alex - Why are your boobies so big then?

Me - It's all fat sweetheart.

Alex - (long pause) Can I try your boobie fat?

Me - Do you just want to bite a piece off or did you want me to slice some off for you?

Alex - No! I mean drink it!

Me - Sweetheart what do you think is going to happen?

Alex - Fat will come out and it will be like hamburger fat.

Me - That's grease - it is a type of fat. But the fat in my boobs is the same type of fat as in my butt.

Alex - You have butt fat in your boobs?

Me - (heavy sigh) Sweetheart you know when you have a steak and there is the fat on the side you cut off? That is the type of fat in my boobs. Only it's people fat not cow fat.

Alex - Well what fun things can you do with your boobies then?

Me - fun things? Nothing!

Alex - Then why does dad call them his fun bags?

Me - (Even heavier sigh) Dad shouldn't call them that. He does nothing with them. They just sag there like a decoration. Now go finish getting ready for school. I am not answering anymore boobie questions!

Do other people have conversations like this with their children? I mean really? Where do these questions come from??

Troy asked me to pick him up some underwear. I asked him what size and he said 'Fat!'. I think Alex gets it from Dad!

I know I have posted this already all over the internet but I am going to post it one more time. Mich graduated yesterday!! Super big high 5 and hooray for you!!! Great job!!

So I am down 20lbs and no one has noticed yet. (Mich I know you are going to comment on this but you don't count because I have been telling you about my weight loss journey. I mean people who don't know I am trying and haven't seen me in a little while). I really would love for someone to come up to me and ask if I have lost weight. I bought some large shirts today instead of extra large! Losing weight really sucks!!

So I was in the bank yesterday. There was 4 people in front of me in line. The lady in front was complaining about how long it took. When it was her turn she had to dig though her suitcase of a purse to find her 4 bank books. She then got them all updated. Took money out, put money in, paid bills. Then she stood there talking to to the teller. The other 3 ladies in front of me were in and out before she was done. When I left she was still talking! And she wonders why she has to wait so long in line! That drives me nuts! Have your stuff ready, know what you want to do. Do it and move on so the next person can go!!

And lastly..."If I were you I would...". No if you were me you would do exactly what I a doing because you would be me!! If you were handling this situation you may handle it differently. But if you were me you would be doing what I am doing!

Can you name the truck with four wheel drive,

Smells like a steak, and seats thirty five?
Canyonero! Canyonero!

Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down,
It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown,
Canyonero! Canyonero!

Hey, hey!

Twelve yards long, two lanes wide,

Sixty five tons of American pride!
Canyonero! Canyonero!

Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
Canyonero! Canyonero!

She blinds everybody with her super high beams,
She's a squirrel-squasher, deer-smackin' drivin' machine,
Canyonero! Canyonero! Canyonero!

Whoa, Canyonero! Whoooooaaaa!


  1. It is hard to see how you look on a computer...

    It never fails that people will inevitably say nothing when something is necessary, and something when nothing would be fine.

    Thank you thank you thank you!
    You say the things we would like to... but our lives aren't as interesting - mostly because we don't see them through your creative lens.
    Pat yourself on your back!

  2. Oh you know how to make me laugh! No fun things with boobies!!
    In our house we refer to the large size as Omar the tentmaker size!
    Glad it's you answering those types of questions instead of me!
    Kim :)